Monday, February 08, 2010


Today's post comes courtesy of the parasite industry devoted to selling articles and services on how you can get a job in the dreadful economy.

DD cadged it off Yahoo a few weeks ago for it's especially ludicrous nature: How to know when to quit your job because the business you work for is dreadful. Well, that would be more than half of the jobs in the United States, at least, DD reckons.

So I've chosen to steal it and rebrand the thing as a test on how to know when to quit your dreadful, or dysfunctional, country.

10 Signs Your Country is Dysfunctional

Does the United States drive you crazy? Do you sometimes wonder if you are the only sane person living in it? Is America dysfunctional, or is it you? Here's how to find out!

Sign No. 1: Do large numbers of people in your country spout conspicuous value statements filled with vague but important-sounding words like "freedom" and so on.


"America has the best healthcare in the world!" -- see here.

"They hate us for our freedom." -- see here.

"We've found each other and we've found our voice and we are determined to fight for our freedoms," says [a man who's last name is Scott], wearing a white 'Freedom Czar' baseball cap at the convention." -- see here.

These slogans are never based in reality. They're just rubbish statements used to end reasonable arguments or cheer-leading pap.

Sign No. 2: Bringing up a problem is considered more as evidence of a personality defect rather than as an actual observation of reality.

Example: "Those who oppose waterboarding are moral fools." -- see here.

In a dysfunctional country, if you don't adhere to a belief held by many, you are the problem. Anything horrendous, illegal or plainly evil is justified on the basis that it's a necessity for national security.

Sign No. 3: If by chance there are problems, the usual solution is a motivational pep rally.

From the Associated Press:

First, the independent Ross Perot contingent. Then, the liberal ''netroots'' mobilization. Now, the conservative ''tea party'' coalition.

No doubt this is democracy at work, a quintessential part of America.

Will the latest political phenomenon become a society-changing movement influencing elections and beyond?

''We are people who understand something wrong is going on in this country, and we want to change it,'' says Dan Garner, a married 40-year-old sales representative from nearby Carthage who is new to politics. Like so many others, he's had enough. ''The core thing is a loss of individual liberty.''


Attitude is everything. In dysfunctional America, there's always a mob on the loose -- a self-abusive confused mob more interested in tearing things down, setting fire to the place and obeying the interests of wealthier and more powerful people outside the mob aimed at destroying the lives of the people who comprise the mob.

To appear sane you must pretend that the mob is a symbol of democracy, not just a nuts crowd. Dysfunctional America is full of crazy mobs but if you have a good attitude, you won't mention it. Or you'll glorify them as part of the way the country solves its problems.

From AP:

''America is ready for another revolution, and you are a part of this,'' Sarah Palin, the 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee, told convention attendees Saturday.

Sign No. 4: Double messages are delivered with a straight face. Too many to list.

America is always ending war and bringing freedom by starting up more war or escalating whatever wars it is in.

From Krugman:

Today, by contrast, the Republican leaders refuse to offer any specific proposals. They inveigh against the deficit — and last month their senators voted in lockstep against any increase in the federal debt limit, a move that would have precipitated another government shutdown if Democrats hadn’t had 60 votes. But they also denounce anything that might actually reduce the deficit, including, ironically, any effort to spend Medicare funds more wisely.

Sign No. 5: History is regularly edited to make executive decisions more correct.

Huge bankster salaries and bonuses for people who wrecked the economy require justification.

"Bonuses must be paid to retain top talent."

Sign No. 6: Directives are threatening.

"Your seatbelt fine is $720."

"The fine for that red-light infraction is $500."

"[With] the national G.O.P. having abdicated any responsibility for making things work, it’s only natural that individual senators should feel free to take the nation hostage until they get their pet projects funded."

Sign No. 7: Democracy means giving someone the power to do something and then watching them not do it.

Example: Obvious when you think of it, really.

Sign No. 8: Resources are tightly controlled.

The big pieces of the national swag pie go to the military/national security and Wall Street while little or nothing is diverted for the social good or advancement of the country.

Whatever is proposed with regards to advancement and social good, the first and loudest response is that it will saddle the country with ruinous debt.

Sign No. 9: You are expected to feel lucky to live here because America is always the greatest country in the world. And if you don't like it you should get out, preferably to some other country regularly mocked even though that country has a higher standard of living.

Sign No. 10: Rules and success are enforced based on who you are.

In a dysfunctional country, there are clearly insiders and outsiders and everyone knows who belongs in each group. If you're wealthy, powerful and/or a celebrity, you're always an insider and it is everyone else's job to be a lickspittle to you and to reward you who have so much with even more. Most of the outsiders know this and like it. Only a few don't and they're all losers with bad attitudes. Class war is forbidden unless you want to wage it on others in your own class or those in one beneath yours.

At the new improved old DD blog.


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