Tuesday, February 02, 2010


Today's unintended joke comes from Yahoo's news service for the promotion of guilt, appreciation of parasites and furtherance of lickspittling.

Remember when you were bullied and beaten for reading books or having thick glasses or being shitty in gym?

Well, it was all your fault, 'science' says.

"Kids who get bullied and snubbed by peers may be more likely to have problems in other parts of their lives, past studies have shown," read Yahoo today. (No link.)

"And now researchers have found at least three factors in a child's behavior that can lead to social rejection ... The factors involve a child's inability to pick up on and respond to nonverbal cues from their pals."

If you're a parent, here's what you to do to correct your bullied child's errant ways:

Help the child identify the cue they missed or mistake they made, by asking something like: "How would you feel if Emma was hogging the tire swing?" Instead of lecturing with the word "should," offer options the child "could" have taken in the moment, such as: "You could have asked Emma to join you or told her you would give her the swing after your turn."

Create an imaginary but similar scenario where the child can make the right choice. For example, you could say, "If you were playing with a shovel in the sand box and Aiden wanted to use it, what would you do?"

Lastly, give the child "social homework" by asking him to practice this new skill, saying: "Now that you know the importance of sharing, I want to hear about something you share tomorrow."

The studies are detailed in the current issue of the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. They were funded by the Dean and Rosemarie Buntrock Foundation and the William T. Grant Foundation.

These people are indeed tricky as they couch the advice in the reverse -- it is YOU, YOU -- the child, who were bullying by doing something like NOT SHARING and so you got what you deserved when the ante was upped and Aiden took that shovel off you by force and hit you over the head with it.

You see, you had it coming.

True story from my youth in Pine Grove, Pennsyltucky.

My friend Dirk and I were playing in his backyard one day. Dirk was a teaser. He was teasing me about something, I forget what. It went on and on and on.

Finally, I leaned over and bit him in the face right under the eye. An inch or two up and he would have lost that orb. That teasing was abruptly stopped. It took a quick trip to the doctor and a clamp to staunch the bleeding.

He had a tiny scar on his face from that for decades. Perhaps he still has it.

About eight years later I used to get bullied a lot in gym for being small and detesting the playing of softball or touch football which is about all we were allowed to do. I was small. Did I say, that?

Of course, that was all my fault, too.

As soon as I could I started weightlifting and went out for the wrestling team. When you can bench or curl at least one hundred pounds more than your peers weigh they become like putty when within your grip. I quietly and calmly muscled those who were stupid enough to cross me in the gymnasium. (It did not, though, fix the fetish for softball.)

I support this kind of bullying and applaud if you do, too. Kids, young and old: Bite some asshole in the face, the sooner the better.

I thought Rorschach was the best character in Watchmen.

Subconsciously, perhaps this is why:

"One of the kids smashes a piece of fruit in [young] Rorschach's face and then Rorschach takes a cigarette out of the bully's mouth and then shoves it in the bully's eye. Rorschach then attacks the other bully and starts biting his face. Several bystanders then try to pull Rorschach off."


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