Tuesday, December 16, 2008

TED GUNS DOWN UNION MEN: All chances of Michigan governorship kaput!

Since Ted Nugent's main public career is now as one of the most vocal right wing cranks of the GOP, it comes as no surprise that -- like most Republicans -- he's profoundly anti-union and against the working stiff, while pretending to be the opposite.

Naturally, Ted still refers to himself as the Motor City Madman. (Although some think he should quit that.)

And although the Nuge professed to be interested in running for governor of Michigan as late as 2006, realistically, he has about as much chance now of making friends and influencing people in Detroit as Kentucky nutcase Jim Bunning. [1]

"Filing Chapter 11 protection protects [General Motors] from itself," writes Nugent equably in his regular column at the official journal for white Republican crazy people, Human Events.

The Nuge is adamantly opposed to bailing out Detroit because Chapter 11 "could free GM from costly labor contracts, provide them the opportunity to restructure hugely expensive pension programs, and renegotiate health benefits."

"While the UAW may believe GM, Ford and Chrysler are in business to provide automotive workers a salary and other costly benefits, the reality is that car companies are in business to make a profit. Period. Write that down."

Such sentiments doubtless play well in Michigan's Keewenaw and Luce counties where John McCain handily beat Barack Obama. However, between the two, they only bring in about 1500 votes.

On the other hand, Wayne, Washtenaw and Genesee counties went roughly 70-30 for the Democrat. Detroit, Flint and Ann Arbor cannot now be fond of Ted. And that's the whole ballgame.

Ted knows this and one presumes it's why he now lives in Crawford, where he contributes weird but amusing opinion pieces for the Waco Tribune in between the oldies tour circuit.

Nuge, long known as an excessive horndog -- in other words, a sex addict of sorts -- writes rapturously of his wife as a bow hunter in a recent column for the newspaper.

"Now, add to this inspiring setting, that same special light glimmering upon the flowing blond locks of a svelte young woman next to me. I am here to tell you that I am not sure I can control myself," states Ted. "... I simply must look to the heavens and pray. Truly, I am not worthy."

"This is how I know conclusively that God must love me madly, for I get to repeat this dream numerous times each fall and winter as the humble guide, servant/vidcam dude for the world's sexiest bowhunter: Mrs. Backstrap, my gorgeous wife, the queen of the forest, Shemane."

While Ted may think he is so lucky as to not be worthy of his wife's attentions, like many famous people he is not above sampling a little sub rosa or even in flagrante poontang.

"Strange salute: Ted Nugent, who performed a guitar solo for the national anthem, expressed his patriotism in an odd way," wrote a Dallas Morning News journo recently.

"The gals who held the huge American flag marched by Nugent on their way off the field at the end of the performance. He gave the last lady a firm pat on the posterior."

"As recording artists experiment with all manner of digital media to reach their fans, a few are engaging in a centuries-old practice -- writing books," went a recent piece from Billboard magazine, addressing Ted's "Ted, White & Blue," published by the right-wing crank bookmaker, Regnery.

"Ted Nugent's 'Ted, White, and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto,' a polemic about politics, has sold 24,000 copies since it arrived October 7 and is No. 28 on the New York Times' Hardcover Nonfiction best-seller list."

However, while sales of 24,000 copies may seem great, it's a drop of lukewarm urine compared to the millions of records Nugent sold in the Seventies. And this writer is certain there's little crossover between people who actually buy books "written" by Ted and those who bought his records or now attend his ag fair shows.

"The book sales haven't translated into increased record sales ... " adds Billboard.

The Billboard piece article maintains that book contracts are modest by the standards of former arena rockers.

"A typical advance for an established musician is a few hundred thousand dollars," a publishing source told Billboard's reporter. "The advance is generally about 20 percent of what the publishers expect a good book will generate."

This still seems like a fair amount of money for what amounts to a novelty item very few people will 'fess up to having read a year or two after buying it.

(I used to catch my dad reading trash like Mandingo and "Masters of Falconhurst" in the early Seventies, books he'd hide away in a closet whenever the neighbors were about to come by. Although something like "Ted, White and Blue" is non-fiction, it's a book of quality in the same way that Fifties-made fiction for white men about sex between plantation owners and slaves, fisticuffs and torture made for books of quality.)

Approximating $25/hardback, Regnery has then made about $600,000 gross on "Ted, White & Blue."

Sales of 24,000 would have merited Nugent being summarily dropped by a major label in the Seventies.

Another publication for right-wing nutjobs feigning sanity, the City Journal, featured an article by a conservative book reviewer who admitted to some heartburn over the success of "Ted, White and Blue."

"William Regnery once told his publisher son, 'If you ever begin to make any money in that business you are going into, you can be pretty sure that you are publishing the wrong kind of books,"
writes the reviewer

"Regnery is now highly profitable, and the elder Regnery’s words loom over such titles as Chuck Norris’s Black Belt Patriotism and Ted Nugent’s Ted, White, and Blue."

However, Ted's entertainment value -- if we are to ignore his music and focus on his life, which is what his book writing career implies fans ought to do -- is still great simply because he's a riotously amusing hypocrite.

Perhaps the best laundry list of Ted's contradictory life was compiled and published in the British newspaper, The Independent, two years ago before a Nugent concert in Milton Keynes, Britain.

The newspaper took the full measure of the Nugent experience, noting dryly that Ted was even too far right for the Daily Telegraph. The article pointed out that Ted is a former draft dodger who advocates for war as well as a family man fond of professing fidelity while paying child support to a woman he had a productive affair with ten years ago.

"British police who don't want to carry firearms are, Nugent says, 'out of their minds," reads the newspaper interview. " 'I say if somebody robs you, shoot 'em. I'd like all thieves killed. And all rapists. And carjackers. No more graffiti. No more...' - this next phrase is a Spoonerism, rather than some Texan term for gross indecency - 'snatch-pursing.' "

"Snatch-pursing" -- perhaps picked up from Ted's Crawford, Texas, neighbor George W. Bush. (The interview was conducted in Texas.)

One thing is absolutely certain: Without a sense of humor, you can't survive Ted Nugent.

"The more you see of Nugent, the more the question presents itself: how did he get to be like this?" the reporter asks himself.

"We sit down to talk on his front porch. Ted fetches iced tea, and - I think because this feels too civilised, and British - takes off his shirt."

By the end of the trip to see Ted, the reporter admits to liking him despite the lorry full of nonsensical contradictions rolling about in the guy's head:

"... [In] some odd way, I find Ted Nugent impossible to dislike: I think because I consider him to be a psychotic - by the classic definition that he does not perceive the world as others do."

Ted Nugent -- off his rocker.

The Nuge's child support payments.

1. "Sen. Jim Bunning (R-Ky.) had a Hall of Fame career with the Detroit Tigers, but he is not welcome in Michigan these days," USA Today reported yesterday. "After helping to derail an auto-industry loan package in the Senate on Thursday night, the Kentucky senator was kicked off the schedule Sunday of a sports-card show in Taylor, Mich. Fans would have paid $35 for Bunning to sign a baseball and $55 to sign a bat."

Ted on terrorism -- Our defenselessness is all the fault of pussy bureaucrats in New York City

Terrorism and security experts all expect America to be hit again soon. While I salute President Bush, our intelligence agencies and lawmen who have prevented these monsters from attacking us for eight years, we all know such an event is not a matter of "if" but "when." Therefore, it is incumbent for our laws to allow us the means to protect ourselves from these terror monsters ... Imagine terrorists simultaneously attacking a number of hotels in Manhattan, or an event at Madison Square Garden or Central Park. As good as they are, it would take hours or days for the New York City's finest to kill or capture all of the terrorists ... Thanks to its well-body-guarded mayor and other anti-freedom bureaucrats, New York City residents would be as helpless as the victims in Mumbai.

Ted Nugent -- from the archives.


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