Friday, December 14, 2007


Lots of pop music used to be called throwaway. The meaning wasn't literal, though.

Now it is. Since anyone can make and steal it there's irreversible glut. As someone who writes about music, often for money, I receive some promotional copies. Factoring in the raging surplus of music manufacture with the reality that only a small portion of any certain pie can be good, you come to one annoying conclusion.

Almost everything you get -- or buy on spec -- is going to be rotten.

Rotten stuff can't be traded in. There's too much of it. You can't even rationalize passing it off on people desiring freebies. The only answer is to throw it away in the trash, for real. Unless you like piles of stuff hanging around.

The end of year throw away list:

Orthodox -- Amenecer en Puerto Oscura -- Made the mistake of reviewing this band one time. Portuguese doom metal that sounds like the same song was recorded over and over in a shed, pretending to be jazz-arty and multi-layered.

Quips -- Take Two -- "Recommended if you like Queens of the Stone Age and The Beatles," reads the promotional material. Sure. Did John, Paul, George and Ringo sing flat a lot and play slow and lurching hard rock?

Rosetta -- Wake/Lift -- "Their ballistic uniqueness is devilishly abrasive," writes someone who ought not to for a magazine called Decibel. "You'd be a fool not to believe." Call me a fool then.

Long Distance Calling -- Satellite Day -- Has someone in the band named Reimut von Bonn who is responsible for "ambience." "The sole lyric on the album was created and performed by Peter Dolving and it will make you wince like being warned of something really big," claim Long Distance Calling. Quite so. It made me wince.

Magnet School -- Tonight -- Publishing company called Exploded Hooker Music.

Dyse -- s/t -- "[Our] music crosses boundaries and provokes terror ..." Why aren't you working for al Qaeda, then?

Intronaut -- The Challenger -- This band does a song about living in a British tank but you can't tell unless you read the lyric sheet.

V:28 -- Violution -- Norwegian industrial death metal band whose ambition is to be hit by a roadside bomb. First song sounds like they stole the background music from the computer game DEFCON for about thirty seconds of material.

Acidpain -- The Switch to Turn Off Mankind -- Hardcore punk band whose ambition is to be hit by a roadside bomb. Innovation: Printed the lyrics to their CD in black on a black piece of paper.

Die! Die! Die! -- s/t -- I made the mistake of writing about this band one time. From New Zealand, they're every bit as bad as their name suggests they want you to think they are.

Havoc Unit -- Umoral -- German industrial metal band whose ambition is to be targeted by American MLRS artillery.

Oren Ambarchi -- In the Pendulum's Embrace -- Came with a postcard-sized photo of artist stroking his chin.

End Of Level Boss -- Inside the Difference Engine -- "[This new] album will show this is a band that no one inside the global rock world can escape," they write. An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure, someone once said.

Wildildlife -- six -- Innovation: Put band name only on spine of CD folder in very small print. For fans of Pink Floyd who hated the lyrics, singing, melodies and other stuff.

The Mercury Seed -- Throwing Rocks at the Sun -- For rock fans who secretly thought Eddie Lives, the sequel to Eddie & the Cruisers, was the better of the two movies. I must embrrassingly confess to liking this one a little bit.

Souvenir's Young America -- An Ocean Without Water Answers the question no one thought to ask: "What would it sound like to trudge across an ocean without water?"

The Fucking Wrath -- Season of Evil -- Band name immediately guaranteed entry into the fool's hall of fame.

The Milwaukees -- American Anthems, Vol. 1 -- Have one song called "American Girl" and it's not by Tom Petty. When you skip to it out of curiosity, it's no good. Head guy is named "Dylan St. Clark" who sings "Everone wants to be rich and famous now" with a girl singing "yeah-yeah-yeahs" in the background on the song "Rich & Famous." So aspiring and heart-on-sleeve heartland it shoulda been a contender, struggling up bleeding and bruised from the arena floor while the super spotlights pan over the audience. Last song, "Marigold," out sob-rocks about half of Sugarland's "Enjoy the Ride." Actually, I'm keeping this.

Letter to the editor.


Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said...

I rather liked the Ambarchi cd, particularly the third track, but I can see how it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea. My copy didn't come with the chin-stroking postcard.

3:17 PM  

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