Thursday, November 05, 2009

DUNNED FROM BOMBISTAN

Hey, deadbeat! Pay your credit card bill! Don't you think it's the right thing to do?!

DD has had a story from the LA Times sitting on the desk for months. One utterly without morals or heart, one delivering no message except black cynicism.

With all the news of bombs going off in Pakistan, of women jeering the Secretary of State over Predator drone assassinations, and news of more US money being given to the country, what's one more thing you might like to use Pakistan for in the making of profit?

I bet you're stumped.

Debt collection.

Yes, right. And that lack of insight, my friends, that paucity of ingrained red-blooded American business innovation, is why you're reading this rotten little blog instead of basking in the sun in Florida outside your compound in the Keys, everday a holiday.

At DD blog, the only thing Pakistani net surfers are interested in is how to make bombs and poisons.

That's a fact.

But perhaps if I opened a new section on how to better dun Americans behind in their credit card payments, how to use clever chat tricks, lies and their fears to deceive, that'd be big, too.

In "Ya'll got Pakistan On Your Tail," the Times reported -- on September 15 -- that "collection cowboy Sharoon Hermoon is living on US time ... 'Hello, ma'am, how ya doin' today?' he says in a convincing American accent. 'My name is James Harold and you owe us $10,000.'"

Haw haw, hardy-har-har! We all got Pakistan on our tail, laughed the Times.

So f-----' hilarious, I almost broke a rib laughing. That's some amusing s--- people. All the banksters got bailed out to the tune of billions of dollars, many debts to never be paid back.

But the peasants get the privilege of being pestered over a few thousand dollars in unsecured credit card debt, all the way from the bombingest country in the world, where the man in the street so obviously loves Uncle Sam and everything he stands for. Credit card debt that can't be easily paid off because the Wall Street banksters overturned the US economy, brought on a worldwide economic contraction, causing mass firings.

Ha ha haw haw! A laff riot!

"As Americans struggle under a mountain of debt, they might be surprised to learn that their collection nightmares may originate in a nation better known for its Taliban insurgency, instability and extremism," reported the Times.

Bombs, they forgot the bombs part. And another minor detail: 'hiding place of Osama bin Laden.' Or: Propper-upper and prepper of the Mumbai terror attack.

Indeed, being 'surprised to learn' is not a phrase that would match most rational American reactions.

American might think of stronger words than 'surprise'. Revulsion. Outrage. Loathing. These come to mind.

Oh how did you dolt Americans, haw-haw, get yourself into so much debt, ask the Pakistani debt collectors. Don't you know you shouldn't buy more than you can afford!? You must save for the things you desire.

Tee-hee. Heh-heh-heh. ROTFLMAO.

Ya'll got Pakistan on your tail.

It seems only right the US government should give arms and military aid to Pakistan, that camps in Pakistan should 'train' and export terrorists and that American financial institutions should, in secret, outsource unsecured credit card debt collection to the same country.

These items are united in that they're all bad stuff, free of morality and ethics. Indeed, there is a bit of unintended poetic justice in average Americans unconnected to Predator drone attacks in Pakistan being given payback in merciless debt collection. It is, for example, conceivable that a drone pilot, his family in arears in credit card payments, could be on the receiving end of American-outsourced Pakistani debt collection.

"If you start being too sympathetic, you can't do your job," said debt collector Shaheem Yaqoob to the newspaper.

"If you start being too sympathetic, you'll never be able to pull that trigger," the CIA program leader said to the Predator operator, sitting at a console in a building somewhere in northern Virginia.

Terrorists deserve it. So do deadbeats. Different jobs, similar remote outlooks and skills needed. You gotta do what you gotta do. And no one would do this to them if they didn't have it coming. It's all about taking personal responsibility!

So if the person on the other end of the debt collection line is recalcitrant, the Pakistani collectors, well-trained by American counterparts, know what to do.

For example, the debt collectors ask debtors if they would like to go to jail, have a repo man sent for their stuff, or be victimized by a court judgment. Since the debtors do not know they are being called from Pakistan, they don't all know to just hang up.

The newspaper informed that "huge companies" like Dell and Microsoft won't do business with Pakistan on "security grounds."

However, DD thinks there might be nothing better than for would-be al Qaeda men to get into this line of work before heading off to training and indoctrination boot camp. If only to gain hands-on practice at working the nerves of US citizens raw -- and getting paid actual cash money for it. Which is more than they will get when finally in the US and sent out to scrounge the beauty parlor supply store for peroxide and acetone, the items of choice for recent nutty bombers.

"With Americans continuing to fall further into debt, prospects remain bright in these telephone trenches ... 'The collection business remains promising," a manager told the Times.

"Four die in apparent US missile strike in north Pakistan," read the headline of a story running just below "Y'all Got Pakistan on Your Tail."

Haw!




No link, use Google. Latimes.com crashes some browsers.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home