APOCALYPSE TV -- BY FOOLS FOR FOOLS

Apocalypse TV is popular on cable. Shows, as written about here furnish opportunities to put CGI mushrooms clouds over US cities or a black hole eating the planet. They're the destitute man's big silly disaster movie, masqueraded as something that might actually happen the way a TV producer dreams it.



The latest is "Surviving Disaster," on Spike, which debuts tonight.

If the New York Post blurb for it is accurate, it doesn't even make a feeble attempt at being factual.

"That's where former Navy SEAL Cade Courtley comes in," reports the New York Post. ". . . Courtley is the ultimate physically fit ninny Johnny-on-the-spot in scenarios ranging from airplane hijackings to biological attacks on the subway to a full-on nuking of Times Square."

NIGHTMARE: Someone in the subway car behind yours puts on a mask and begins spraying an aerosol can. Passengers in that car begin coughing and passing out. Then the attacker begins walking toward the door to your car.

HOW TO SAVE YOUR BUTT: As Courtly puts it: "If one person on the train gets sick, try to help him. If two people get sick, get the heck out of there as fast as you can."

Such is the joy of bioterrorism. By assisting other victims, you risk becoming one yourself. So in this case, the only thing to do is try to stop the train and get off, whether at a station or not. Running though a dark subway tunnel, dangerous as that may be, is preferable to having your liver melt inside your body.

If you're scratching your head over why this is so laugh-out-loud ridiculous, "Surviving Disaster" is definitely for you. (Cade Courtley and Spike TV programming slate. Maybe not work safe.)


Wait for the thrill at the end.