Tuesday, August 26, 2008

WANTED -- NOT-TOO-BRIGHT FAKE FOLKSY WHITE SCHLUB FOR PREZ: Oh wait, didn't we already...


Look at the sissy, drinkin' beer with women! Real men don't drink beer with women! When I was in Bethlehem south side bars, us working-class men beat up, hit on or heckled the women! F--- that guy.

"There's something egotistical about him," a Sheridan, Colo., retiree said to a reporter from the Kansas City Star. "It's the way he struts around." (See here.)

"Many swing voters here and throughout the country consider the presumptive Democratic nominee distant, pompous, arrogant, even elitist," reported the newspaper, another in the wave of "me too" stories on how the butthurt older white-trash voter chooses to express why he or she won't vote for someone who's black.

And another rule of thumb is it's bad to be smart.

Better to be an insincere but folksy white son-of-the-ruling-class oaf masquerading as someone who'll join you clearing brush back near the shed. That's if you have a shed. And you probably do because all real American working-class white people have a shed for their tools. If you don't have a shed, you're probably a liberal Democrat. While we're at it, let me feel your hands. No callouses, huh? I thought as much!

Anyway, the bright and well-spoken have no business running the most powerful country in the world. Alfred E. Newman would make the best president. This way of things keeps the rest of the world on its toes.

Newspaper political reporters and editors love this story because it affords them the opportunity to interview heevahavas nationwide, presenting their views as if they're reasonable descriptions of Barack Obama's personal flaws and why he ought not to be president.

Invariably, the university expert must be produced to explain the wisdom of this to those of us with rather less wisdom.

" 'It's a big issue that he needs to address,'" said Eric Davis, a professor emeritus of political science at Middlebury College," reported the newspaper.

"Obama's selection of Delaware Senator Joe Biden may be an acknowledgment that he still has a ways to go to win over white working-class voters," explained an upper middle-class weenie at the Boston Globe today.

"Biden hails from gritty Scranton, Pennsylvania -- the same city where Hillary Clinton's grandfather worked in a factory."

Yes, Scranton's gritty -- but not in a good way. Gritty as in there are cinders on its streets eight months out of every twelve. A good insult would be: May you spend a winter in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

To recap: stupid white people ---> good leaders!

Smart people ----> bad and lazy and liberal. And probably secretly despise Jesus, too.



Previously proven by DD:

From the archives -- Dick Destiny from Pennsyltucky.

Item from the Los Angeles Times book review of Thomas Frank's The Wrecking Crew:

"How did [the Republicans] get ordinary people to vote for tax cuts for the rich? His answer was that Republicans confused [the easily confused -- DD's addition] with a phony kind of class-war rhetoric and with the culture wars. Close a town's factory, he observed, and the next week the workers are picketing the local abortion clinic -- as if that was the source of their problems."

Hey, we lived it.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Oh, yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful. Why, looky here. There was a free n__r there from Ohio—a mulatter, most as white as a white man. He had the whitest shirt on you ever see, too, and the shiniest hat; and there ain't a man in that town that's got as fine clothes as what he had; and he had a gold watch and chain, and a silver-headed cane—the awfulest old gray-headed nabob in the State. And what do you think? They said he was a p'fessor in a college, and could talk all kinds of languages, and knowed everything. And that ain't the wust. They said he could VOTE when he was at home. Well, that let me out. Thinks I, what is the country a-coming to? It was 'lection day, and I was just about to go and vote myself if I warn't too drunk to get there; but when they told me there was a State in this country where they'd let that n__r vote, I drawed out. I says I'll never vote agin. Them's the very words I said; they all heard me; and the country may rot for all me—I'll never vote agin as long as I live. And to see the cool way of that n__r—why, he wouldn't a give me the road if I hadn't shoved him out o' the way..."--Huckleberry Finn's "Pap," Mark Twain, Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (cut and pasted from Project Gutenberg)

7:44 AM  

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