Monday, September 03, 2007

FUN WITH PIX: Guitar mag ads

DD occasionally purchases Guitar World magazine at the supermarket and it always shows the guitar trade publication industry to be a merciless place. Regular readers are apparently a very fickle and childish crew, requiring the musical instrument industry and its press to work together for magazines in which heavily illustrated stories compete for space with intelligence-insulting advertisements aimed at getting the bedroom guitarist to purchase something.

So today I've strung together a few ads from recent Guitar Worlds to show what kind of humor magazine, based on rock music, I'd like to see. (Next week, perhaps a look at Combat Handgun or Shotgun News magazines.)

First up, DD returns to a favorite, Eddie van Halen.

Readers may recall a recent posting about Eddie's Frankenstein relic guitar, sold for $25,000 to lunatics. The Eddie van Halen relic, which even has an early Seventies quarter nailed to it like Eddie's original, was first featured in March of this year in Guitar World which put him and it on the cover.

"We found a guy on eBay who was selling rolls of uncirculated 1971 quarters," Eddie van Halen's guitar builder informed the magazine. "That was a weird year for quarters, they didn't mint many of them in 1971."

Then Eddie van Halen suffered a collapse and checked into rehab.

Earlier this summer, Eddie was again wheeled out for the cover of Guitar World as well as in ad photos for the relaunching of his $25,000 guitar and line of amplifiers.

Behind the tight smile, impending trouble.

New hair and fresh dentures make a man feel fine.

Moving along, businesses have long recognized the selling power of rock icons in full page advertising. Ernie Ball electric guitar strings uses Jimmy Page of Led Zep.

Five decades! Has it been that long?

Oi, Guv'nor! Make that at least six decades of rough road. In sight of the stairway to heaven.

When DD thinks of guitar gear, he thinks of children and adults with the aspirations of children. This being the case, amplifiers have to be made to cast the impression that if only you will buy it, you too will be a "Guitar God."

Nigel Tufnel's guitar amp only went to "11." If "Guitar God" fails you in front of an audience, there's always "Psycho." Personally, I'd prefer a switch for "Homeless Busker on Sidewalk."

When guitar magazines become entirely devoid of editorial content, there will still be ad photos of gypsy he-man Dave Navarro.

For f--- sake, can't you put on a damn shirt? We've seen all your nipple rings and tatts.

After spending 25 K on an Eddie van Halen guitar with its hard-to-find 1971 quarter, you may not have enough liquidity to k-k-k-cure your s-s-s-t-tt--tuttering prob-buh-buh-blem.


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