Wednesday, August 02, 2006

SUPERNOVA: The summary

The faults which render CBS's Supernova weak weekly remain firmly in place. The choice in rock tunes is crappy for the band the contestants wish to join. Gilby Clarke must be bored shitless listening to the hits of Nirvana ("Pennyroyal Tea") performed by a vaseline-coated Australian barfly or the ridiculous reggae and hip-hop mix turned in by the sissy boy who will never win the competition but who is kept on as show milksop by the network.

The contestant known as "Storm Large" nope,"Dana"-- a young but big girl -- did a slightly better than fair version of the Who's "Baba O' Reilly." This made her the best performer of the night. Everyone else was wretched. (Wednesday update: Dana was booted. Smiles all around, a great experience, we're all stars here, homina-homina. )
Zayra, token affected weirdo
The designated crazy girl -- of the name Zayra -- who almost gets eliminated every week but is retained for her stubborn moxy and aptitude for the bizarre, phoned in a horrible arrangement of Tommy Tutone's 80's 'hit', "867-5309/Jenny." What was a number hard to ruin was ruined in such a way everyone was left stupefied. But stupefaction is the crazy girl's forte. That's her job and she's pursued it with great zeal. Zayra has stupefaction nailed and, what's more, knows it. Just look at her! The picture doesn't even begin to capture her TV image. Crazy girl would fondle herself on primetime if it would get past the censor.

With rock critic hat on, Crazy girl can be described as a combination of the lead singers for the Doctors of Madness, Jobriath and the Skyhooks. You never heard of them, did you?

These were all glammy, theatrical, excessively costumed acts -- Jobriath was a solo artist, none of which rocked very much, and which were avoided like plague in America in the 70's. Guess why? They were all thought of as really swishy, or too interested in Bertolt Brecht and Kurt Weill. Perhaps if they had been Liza Minelli? (The Skyhooks were gigantic, though, in Australia).

The crazy girl, unknowingly, recreates them to a T. If the crazy girl did a solo record I would consider buying it as a curio, never to be listened to, but great for whatever costume she wore on the cover.

And the woman with bolts in her chin and witchy hair did "Can't Get Enough" in half see-through leather pants. Wow.

One reader wrote in last week that network rock shows like Supernova were an easy target, with the implication that I should spend my time picking on something else. Everything in the US of A in 2006 is an easy target for criticism, son. The recognition of which separates the pros, like me, from the amateurs, like you.


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